Am I really gay or am I using it as a cop out for something else?

I hear gays and s say they've always been attracted to the same but I know when I was younger I use to love boys...but growing up I was abused by men, and my dad always appeared to me to be a womanizer. And guys at school always p me up because I am not loose like other girls and they wind up treating me like I'm a , anyway over time I guess you could say there is a numbness towards guys and I'm not really attracted to them like I once was. I feel more comfortable with females on a emotional level, and would feel more secure in a relationship with them however I am not physically attracted to women, ually i am only because of the ual situation but physically not drawn to women like i guess a hetero woman or man would be to a random attractive person ping them by. Yet I would in my heart guess I would say love to be loved by a man, but it honestly does not seem like a relationship with a man is in the cards for me and although part of me longs for that I connect with girls better and feel complete with them. I'm a senior in High School and everyone says wait til college and see how things change, but honestly how much can things change in the 3 months of High School graduation and your first semester as a college freshman? Am I really gay, because I wouldn't say I was born gay, situations I would say has significantly altered my state of mind or psyche to the point where I have no immediate feelings for a guy. I say gays are not born gay, your environment has a profound affect on your psyche and makes you gay, but am I wrong, am I wrong for saying I am gay and am using gay as a cop out or can I be truly gay?